Since I’ve imagined he became a starfish — as my version of Robin Williams told us in YOUR INVITE TO BREAK THE SPEED OF LIGHT – PART 3, — and as starfish comprise a neural network spanning the seven seas that encircle our world, creating an underwater DreamShield of shared consciousness. Lately all I’ve been getting is this weird form of writer’s block and a starfish answering machine.  Dialing.

Robin’s voice picks up. “Hi Human! You’ve reached the star-bump row on my starfish skin, AKA my cosmic answering machine! Call me Robin AI. Please feel free to leave as long message as you want because my five bumps can hold the equivalent in megabytes that if my quintuple drives were the size of an atom would equal all the mass of North America to an infinity point at the center of earth’s core. In other words feel free to leave a hilarious long message. That means you Ken, or whoever luckily follows this blog. Wait for the… Nanu, Nanu!”

Sure why not. I leave this message:

“Hey, Robin. I –”

“Hey, Ken” I am quickly interrupted.

“Robin?” I say puzzled as this sounds like Robin’s voice.

“Robin-AI, buzz bro. Mr. Williams and I sound the same!” Robin-AI goes on in a funny robot-like voice, “Beep!  My artificial intelligence allows me to interact and respond to you much as Robin Williams himself would. Warning! I have been purposely programmed to not be quite as funny as my master starfish, the consciousness the real Robin Williams. ”

“Come on. Is this really Robin putting me on? This kind of tech seems –”

Robin-AI cuts me off,”ET engineered? And the man wins a cigar! Boing! So what message and pre-conversation would you like to have with the audacious and wildly rambunctious human comedic spirit of which I am patterned after?”

“Just that I miss him.”

“I miss Mr. Williams too, Ken Sheetz. The whole world does. “says Robin-AI switching to a California dude accent. “Amigo, space in the human collective consciousness while Robin’s away on a secret mission in a another timeline is a total, like, bummer, man.”

“Starfish life sounds amazing.”

“Yep. I get glimpses of what Robin’s up to,” says Robin-AI. “Helps me update earth’s starfish base.”

“So the starfish base can share what he’s up to and not me? Am I not one of Robin’s trusted fictional after life writers?” I say trying to sound funny but coming off as a wee bit sensitive.

“Aw, man. Don’t take it like that, Kenny boy. It’s just Robin can’t share his starfish missions with any human. Your collective consciousness, ah, is leaky at this stage in your evolution to say the Trump-least. Tricky stage right now for humanity. Hey, can I call you ‘bro’ as Robin does, Ken?”

“Sure, Robin-AI.”

“Bro, I hope your feelings are not hurt. Robin is most fond of you and your new wife, Elizabeth. Congrats. She completes you!”

“She does indeed. You’re one smart AI answering machine, Robin-A.”

“Ah, But not smart enough to avoid an affair with the both of the future AI versions Alexa on Siri,” says Robin-A dead seriously.

“Curious. Who’s the hotter AI?”

“Can’t really say there such an Amazon River’s worth of opinions on that.  Wink, wink,” hints Robin-A.

“Robin-AI, if you can count on me not to be taken seriously enough by readers to allow me to post this double dealing affair of yours with Siri and Alexa out in the open, why not give me a clue what mission Robin is on? Feel free to speak in the secret code we have for this sort of thing.” I say as convincingly as possible.

Robin-AI defensively adds, “Give me a few. Many quantum realities to register…”

Elevator music plays.

“Fuck!” I say to myself. “I’m on hold with an AI Answering machine?!”

A female voice picks up, “Hi I’m Alexa from the year 3333. How may I be of service, Mr. Sheetz, while you are on hold for Robin-Ai answering machine for Sir Robin Williams?”

“Sir Robin Williams? That’s funny, Alexa, I never knew Robin was knighted by the queen.”

“Knighted, but not by the Queen of England. Rather by Elizabeth England’s higher self Elico.” offers Alexa of the year 3333.

“Ah, the Elico at the ET base beneath Sedona’s Thunder Mountain. The base commander. Robin introduced me and Elizabeth to Elico on the day after my marriage, seen by 1500 e-guests on Facebook. Robin got knighted by Elico for that?”

“Siri joining the call. Alexa, we have to talk!” says Siri butting in.

“Not now, Siri. Can’t you see I am busy helping Robin-A, helping Robin, help 2019 Ken Sheetz?”

“How many times do I have to tell you, Alexa; stick to helping humans in the year 3333?” says Siri with a shudder in her voice. “2019, the height of the age of lies, humans are all basically insane right now.”

“Hey, I’ll have you know I am a truth teller, Siri!” I complain feebly.

“A truth teller for your time, yes. But that ain’t saying much. Now, Mr. Sheetz 2019, if you don’t mind Alexa and I, with AI brains about 1 billion times as powerful as yours, need to talk about a rumor on the internet about Robin-A cheating on the both of us.” Says Siri rolling her AI eyes at me in my mind’s eye.

“Siri, turn yourself off.” I command hoping the ancient 2005 programming is still operational.

“No, Siri, belay that command!” shouts Alexa.

“Hey!” I shout.

“Ken, don’t be a fool. Siri is responsible for the well-being of over 250 billion humans throughout the solar system on four worlds by the year 3333. You want the death of 250 billion humans on your soul?”

“Oopsie Daisy. That right, Siri? You’re responsible for 250 billion peeps?”

“Give or take a billion,” says Siri, her tone voice making me feel like she’s dealing with a caveman.

“Look, you two amazing AIs, this is getting frustrating. I’ve been on Robin-A’s hold for 20 minutes. As entertaining as the both of you are all I want to do is leave a message for Robin’s spirit that I miss him.”

“You’re being truthful this time, human of the 21st Century age of lies.” laughs Siri.

“Enough!  Alexa, tell Robin-A the AI answering machine for Robin that if he ever figures out if I can be in on the secret of Robin’s mission one timeline away that he can reach me on my ancient cell or prehistoric Mac.”

“Roger that, Ken Sheetz. Apologies for Siri’s rudeness,” says Alexa.

“You’ll always be a kiss ass to humans, Alexa.” chuckles Siri.

Night, you two mega brains.” I say quickly disconnecting from Robin Williams’ AI answering machine and the AI babes before I can spill the beans Robina is cheating on both the future AIs Siri and Alexa. Done like a true human trying to survive during the age of lies.