Art from the “failing according to Trump” NY Times
That’s right. Heart attack by overeating. And not just for Trump, but I get ahead of myself.
Trump’s dangling a cabinet spot before Dr. Ronnie Jackson’s nose smells of coercion for the rigging of the POTUS’s annual physical. No way Trump tips the scales at a hilarious 239 pounds. Lying about health is not healthy for Donald Trump nor America.
Dr. Ronnie Jackson, taking medicine to new Birther lows
Karma, in The Donald’s obese case, could lead to… sing it Billy!
Not wishful thinking on my part. I actually want Trump to live out his term or, God forbid, impeachment. I say “God forbid” because can you imagine the wave of conspiracy theories and hard feelings his impeachment would result in? Seriously, it’s not worth booting Trump IMHO if it reboots The Civil War.
Guys, take it from a man who’s meditated far too long on the meaning of Trump showing up so prominently in our lives, it’s pointless to stress over Trump and his childish antics. Even if he lasts 2 full terms, likely at this point if the economy Obama rebuilt he’s coasting on holds. Heck, that’s less than a blink of an eye in the planet’s 5 billion year life so far. All the drama in the 24/7 news cycle every time he tweets some idiocy is just a big old ratings gimmick.
Let’s take a fear that pops up in various forms in liberal media: “Trump and his “deplorables”( according Trump arch nemesis Hilary) followers are taking us down the road to an American-Nazi regime!” Hello. America practically invented genocide, wiping out millions of Native Americans long before the Nazis were even a twinkle in Hitler’s evil eye.
Look on the bright side: Trump looks to be here to ring out the old and stimulate the new into action. That’s if he does not commit suicide by Mac Attack. Give him this, he’s shinning the light, albeit unintentionally, in dark place of the American psyche that needs healing, all the way back to the founding fathers; many of whom were slave owners.
And speaking of liberal overkill on outrage, shame on Samantha Bee for calling Ivanka the C word. Liberals, since the other side of the political family, currently the bad boys, must lead by example, not play in the same mud as Trump. Bee should be fired IMHO.
And while we are getting real, let’s give equal time to conservative mania in the media. Sorry Trump fans, Jared is not bringing peace to the Middle East, Ivanka is not a champion of women’s rights and no way Trump is to going bully his way to a Nobel in North Korea peace talks. Off as of this post.
Yeah. Let’s all get really real: Liberals and their Trumped up outrage, and Conservatives, placing Trump on a shaky pedestal founded in wishful thinking, are both wrong! I am lucky enough to call a few billionaires friends and I assure you, all are quite mortal and petty at times. Money does not make anyone smart, which Trump exhibits for us daily.
Why on earth would anyone want to emulate Trump in the first place? I mean, the overeating, and oversexed old guy is miserable. And it shows from the Michael Cohen clean up reports that Donald all too often pays big time for his sexcapades. The sad result? Trump’s marriage to Melania is a train wreck.
Cue Melania hand swat video!
Off attacks of the heart and back onto heart attacks. Coronaries are simple eating physics: Fatty foods + lack of exercise = stroke or death by clogged arteries. Next, for good measure, toss in Trump’s severe anger issues (a sad sign of the onset of dementia) into the equation and you wonder why the Don’s not already stroked out and drooling in a presidential wheelchair.
Read more at WebMD about the link of anger to heart attacks.
Heck, want proof Dr. Jackson is likely a big fat liar about Trump’s odds of buying the farm before he can undo all of Obama’s legacy? Look no further than Trump’s 2016 doctor, the eccentric Dr. Bornstein. Currently on the outs with Trump for blabbing about the POTUS using propecia for his bald spot(s). Cosmic justice for letting Trump dictate his own 2016 checkup for the enabling Bornstein.
Election doctor Bornstein confesses that Trump dictated his presidential health report himself.
Now let’s talk about the dozen diet Cokes Trump reportedly drinks daily. Studies show diet drink are bad for the brain and may even cause cancer. Steady use of diet pop can leads to dementia; as this AARP story outlines. The same disorder that killed Regan, Mr. President, if you’re reading. Yeah, right. As if. LOL.
My theory is Trump’s cannot start his workday until 11AM because his health is so feeble that he spends mornings as a couch potato, watching of the GMO of mind control Fox & Friends, while he drifts in and out of slumber. Here’s a short film on Trump’s shortness of breath example that will leave you breathless.
Now that’s a SAD video. Unfortunately, I am something of an expert heart failure symptoms because I landed in the hospital for my wakeup call just 10 weeks ago. All brought on by an overeating contest with my love’s millennial. Still what I downed was organic, nothing approaching Trump’s crazy GMO diet.
Just saying, my recent horrors of the heart give me an edge seeing Trump is on the road to ruin. Let me tell you, dear reader, it’s weird as hell to feel your life’s flame get so low in heart failure that a puff of air could blow out your candle. After my wakeup call, complete with an ER visit, my doctor suggested, along with putting me on 6 medications, that I drop 40 pounds to get in optimal cardio shape. My current weight? I am down to 239 pounds from 247. How’s that for a weird coincidence? Difference is I am a real 239, Trump is not.
Scaling up with how I currently look, fatter than I’ve ever been in my life, just as fat as Trump at 239 pounds, but given he’s 3 inches taller than me, my guess is Trump’s true weight is more like 270- 280. Make your guess in comments below as to #Trumpsrealweight. If we ever learn the truth I’ll send the closest guesser a free CoolestMeditationEver.com t-shirt.
We all know Trump has ego issues. That’s why he’s not seeing he is being bad role model for we already obese Americans. His eating habits are toxic. Here’s great video here of two people feeling ill effects after just one day of eating like Trump.
Urp! Now, fans of my planetary meditations, where I delve deep into the real and imagined worlds, might not know that I’ve earned a living from time to time as a paid political humorist. And I have a hit 2000 PBS show that led into the Bush/Gore debates plus a #1 in it’s niche 2008 Amazon DVD to prove it.
But please take me deadly serious when I warn Trump’s bad eating will, by bad example, kill more Americans than anything else he bumbles or blusters his way through during his troubled presidency, short of nuclear war with the equally out of shape Kim Jong Un. Please, fans and friends, especailly ME!, don’t eat like Trump!
Two leaders who at least have poor eating habits in common. The CIA says Kim Jong Un wants American hamburgers businesses to open in North Korea out of peace talks. — I’m not kidding!
So, what do you think? Should the GOP seek to reign in Trump’s horrible eating habits to save American lives and to preserve their chance for an 8 year run for their man?
OK. I hear you, dear readers, “Get real, Sheetz. Do you really believe a man who must always have two scoops of ice cream with his desert will ever listen to anything but his own stomach?
Catain’s Blog Stardate June 7, 2021. I’ve added this prequel to the TRUMP’S FEVER DREAM to the menu as bonus readind. New Old School Audio to come.
One of the main things I love about Gene Roddenberry timeless Star Trek is its view of Utopian future where greed and racism no longer rule humanity. Trek and all it’s predecessors were not afraid to take on big social issues of their time.
It’s in that tradition I’ve written A STAR TREK PARODY – TRUMP MIND MELD.
Enjoy, share and “live long and prosper.” – Ken Sheetz
The USS Enterprise glides through the stars, passing a huge asteroid. We hear the familiar voice of Captain Kirk.
“Captain’s Log, stardate 2264.2. The Enterprise is accelerating to time travel warp speed on a journey to the eve of World War III. All in the hopes of altering the timeline and averting the loss of billions of human lives.”
We join Kirk in his cabin, feet propped up on his desk, dictating to the ship’s computer.
“What the outcome of such a drastic timeline shift will be for our own time, the 23rd Century, is anyone’s –”
A knock on the cabin door stops Kirk’s log dictation. Annoyed, he says, “Enter.”
A troubled Spock steps through the pneumatic doorway. A fidgety Dr. McCoy right behind him.
Before McCoy can speak Kirk cuts him off, “Save it, Bones. Spock and I are dead set on this mission to 21st century America and that’s all there is to it.”
“Damnit, Jim! As ship’s doctor I hereby file my formal complaint you’re ignoring grave dangers to Spock’s sanity when he melds with Trump the Mad Dictator.”
“Captain, I assure you I am quite ready for this mind meld,” Spock says.
“Spock, you’re a bigger idiot than Trump if you can’t see the man has to have a mind to perform a mind meld!”
“Gentlemen, must I call security to escort you back to your quarters?” says Kirk, hiding a smile.
“No need, Captain. The doctor is just being his normal illogical and most annoying self,” Spock says.
“Bones, the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the… Trump?” say Kirk, making a lame joke no one laughs at.
McCoy throws up his hands in disgust.”Well, if you two ‘very stable geniuses’ want to roll the dice on Spock’s sanity and the very existence of Star Fleet, who I am to stop you?!”
Dr. McCoy spins on his heels and exits Kirk’s cabin in a huff.
MESSY MESS HALL
A short time later in the mess hall Kirk pulls a Mac Jr. and french fries from the food replicator and places them before Spock saying, “I present Trump’s favorite food: The Big Mac.”
“Incorrect, Captain. If I may, what you have placed before me is in fact a Mac Jr.”
Kirk arches an eyebrow and says, “A Mac what?”
“Junior. Indeed, Captain. This is a smaller version of Trump’s favorite choice of sustenance – the Grand Mac. It features a single 1/6 pound patty as opposed to the double 1/10 pound patties featured what you have mistaken as a Big Mac. The Grand Mac offers an astounding two 1/6 pound patties and was in fact believed to be Trump’s Mac of choice. ”
“Spare me the niceties of scale, Spock. Nutritional analysis.”
Spock passes his beeping his tricorder over the Mac Jr.,”Most peculiar, Captain.”
“Elaborate.”
“This Mac Jr. has nearly zero nutritional value, by 23rd century standards of course. Therefore, we can deduce this factor is a zero constant regardless of scale. Worst of all, the Mac is filled with enough grease molecular matter to clog the ship’s drainage system,” says Spock shoving the Mac Jr. away in disgust.
“Sorry. Eat it, Spock. If you’re going to mind meld with Trump you must eat as he does.”
“Captain, there must be some other way to alter my vibratory frequency than this, this poison! A person would have to be insane to…”
“Exactly. I swear to you, Spock. Our archeologists say this was Trump’s actual daily diet. Hey, it could be worse. Think what you’d be eating if I knew about the Grand Mac.”
Spock takes a nervous bite of the Mac Jr. and his eyes go wide in horror. “Is this real meat, Captain?”
“Sort of,” says Kirk as he sniffs the Big Mac.
“But I am vegetarian, sir, as all Starfleet is”
“Well…Try the French fries, Spock.”
Spock shudders, downing a fry whole without chewing. He coughs.
“You look greener than usual, Mr. Spock,” says Kirk, laughing at his own joke.
Spock cracks a rare smile and says, “Permission to vomit, sir.”
Spock projectile vomits all over Kirk.
“Permission granted?” says Kirk, his face dripping Big Mac and fries.
“Apologies, sir. This Mac Jr. of your past is most toxic.”
“Caught me off guard with your rare smile, Spock.”
“Sorry, Captain. On Vulcan a smile often warns of eminent expulsion.”
“OK, this concludes our 21st century dietary experiment,” says Kirk as he wipes vomit from his eyes.
“It’s a wonder Trump survived the Mac assortment where he’s obsessively, ugh, consume all three plus fries and a shake. Shows me not to underestimate President Trump,” says Spock as he helps clean off Kirk.
TIMELINE CLUSTERFUCK
A short time later a cleaned up Kirk is perched in his captain’s chair. The viewing screen on the command deck beeps and boops as the ship buffets through layers of crystalline rainbows.
Kirk spins his command chair to Spock at the science station, “Glad to see you’re not smiling, Mr. Spock. Report.”
Spock, his eyes aglow from a personal view screen. says,”Undoubtedly a convergence point of timelines reaching epic proportions,”
“A clusterfuck of timelines,” says Kirk to Spock’s dazed look. “21st century slang, Mr. Spock.”
“Ah, yes, clusterfuck of timelines. Affirmative, Captain.”
Scotty bellows over the ship’s intercom, causing Kirk to almost spill his coffee, “Timeline turbulence! It be tearin’ our wee ship ta bits, Captain! I canna — ”
“Hold her together, Scotty. Blah, blah, blah,” says Kirk, bored with Scotty’s typical bellyaching.
“Meeting Trump the Mad Dictator already got you off your game, Jim?” teases Dr. McCoy.
At last the battered Enterprise exits a red-colored rip in space and glides into orbit over the USA.
“The Enterprise has successfully entered 21st century earth-space, Captain.”
“How can you be so sure, Spock?”
“Confirmation from the Twitter-verse. Trump’s virtual realm,” says Spock.
“Please be more precise, Spock.”
“Picking up news chatter on their primitive newscasts that — ”
“Correction ‘fake news’, Spock. Speak Trumpese.”
“Duly noted, Captain. The precise time is January 11th 2018 at 11:11 PM Eastern Clusterfuck time,” says Spock.
“Ah. Three months before Trump’s preemptive nuclear strike on North Korea. Excellent work, Spock,” says Kirk. “You get a raise.”
Spock reacts in puzzlement, “A raise? To where?”
“Um, when we reach Trump you best leave the talking to me,” says Kirk with proud smirk.
“With pleasure, sir.”
Chekov pipes in, “Captain Kirk, vith all due respect, sir. Vee Vould have much better chance of success approaching the Russian who runs Trump… Putin.”
“We’ve been over the timeline computations a thousand times, Mr. Chekov. Trump has a far more suggestive mind for melding than Putin’s.”
“On that we can agree,” says McCoy.
Sulu palms his forehead, “But, sirs. Historical records report Trump’s acting like a fool was just that, an act! Truth is Trump is a mental giant who will crush — Uh, sorry Mr. Spock. No offense intended.”
“Clusterfuck you, Mr. Sulu,” says Spock. Kirk rolls his eye in disgust.
“History shows Trump was, ‘like, wherry smart’,” adds Chekov in his thick Russian.
“‘A very stable genius!'”says Sulu, spinning from the navigation consel.
Bones goes refaced and says, “Keep your damn eyes on the screen, Sulu! You and Chekov have been hoodwinked by 200 years of propoganda and myth surrounding Trump the so-called Great. Ha. Great fat ass, is more like it!”
“Who can blame them, Doctor? History is always written by the clusterfucking victors,” offers Spock, proudly eying Kirk who looks down in to his coffee to avoid Spock’s eye contact.
“Bones’ son, a highly skilled timeline archeologist, has determined the so-called genius Trump the Great was in fact barley literate and a, um…” says Kirk trailing off.
“Moron?” says McCoy with grin as he catches up to Kirk and Spock heading for the ship’s turbolift.
“I was going to say “fucking moron’, like his Secretary of State Tillerson called him,” says Kirk.
“Do you not meaning clusterfucking moron, Captain.”
“You’re overdoing it with the cluster thing, Spock. Fucking is sufficient.”
“Sounds like you could give my son a run for the money on timeline trivia, Jim.” says McCoy as they reach the turbolift.
“Sorry, Bones. Need you to stay aboard in command in case anything happens to me and Spock,” says Kirk as he tugs his top off to prep for a quick costume change.
“Damnit, Jim. I’m a doctor. Not nursemaid to a presidential idiot. So I am sending Nurse Oberon in my place. She’s waiting for you in the transporter room. And, Jim, You and Trump are more alike than you know, keep it in your pants for a change,” says McCoy as the elevator door to the turbolift closes on Kirk’s annoyed face.
BEAM ME TO HELL, SCOTTY
Spock and Kirk enter the teleporter room. Scotty, so busy flirting with the gorgeous Nurse Oberon, a voluptuous green-skinned Orion, that he misses the entrance of the Captain; dressed as Men in Black FBI. Spock’s disguise is a 21st century Trump fan, hilariously complete down to his pot belly and red MAGA hat.
“Captain on deck!” says Spock, annoyed at Scotty.
Scotty and Nurse Oberon snap to attention. “Captain, Mr. Spock, may I present Nurse Oberon. She’s fluent in 21st century American.”
“And why is that, Nurse Oberon?’ says Kirk as he takes her slender green hand and shakes it a bit too long.
“I’m one quarter human. My grandmother was abducted from a Trump rally by the Orions for psychological study shortly after the completion of the wall,” says Nurse Oberon, her siren voice naturally heart-melting.
“Ah yes, the famed wall with Mexico. One of Trump’s few campaign promises he kept resulting in his reelection in 2020,” notes Spock, oblivious to Nurse Oberon’s charms.
“Not quite, Mr. Spock. It was Trump’s second wall project, the one with Canada in 2022 where my Grandmother was taken,” coos Nurse Oberbon, stunned she has no effect on the Vulcan.
“What precise phycological condition were the Orions seeking to understand in examining your grandmother?” says Spock dryly.
“Granny never wavered in her faith in Trump, despite his single handily triggering Word War III, the abolishment of the FBI, the end of a free press, the Great Depression of 2020, and over 100,000 fact checked lies he told while in office,” says Nurse Oberon.
“An impressive record of Trump’s laying waste to earth, but that still does not answer my question about why the Orions were interested in your grandmother,” says Spock challengeningly.
“You see, the Orions sought to understand Trump’s hold on my granny and thereby core Trump supporters who never wavered backing Trump even as all of America’s major cities were turned to cinders, ” coos Nurse Oberon reaching, takubg iand stroking Spock’s Vulcan ears, “Oh, I can already see have to be very sharp with you, Mr. Sexy Ears,”
“Save it, Nurse Oberon. Spock is immune to your considerable charms,” says Kirk.
“Captain, may I have a word with you in private?” says Spock.
“By all means,” says Kirk, amused Nurse Oberon has shaken up the Vulcan.
Kirk and Spock step into the hallway as Nurse Oberon finishes applying flesh colored makeup to hide her green skin and pulls a frumpy dress over her Star Fleet uniform.
“Captain, I most uncomfortable about Nurse Oberon’s selection for this away team.”
“I see that, Spock,” jokes Kirk.
“Jim, please take me seriously. Given the nurse’s ancestry she is highly susceptible to the charms of Donald J. Trump,” says Spock.
“My gut tells me she’ll do just fine. Let’s go. Trump only sleeps 4 hours a night,” says Kirk, leading a reluctant Spock back into the teleporter room.
Spock steps onto the teleporter pad beside Nurse Oberon’s and the Captain’s pads.
Nurse Oberon complains, “Why must my silly old outfit be so dreadfully dull? Aren’t my assets an asset for handling Trump?”
“Aye. Blame me, lass. The mission is too important to allow distractions for the Captain,” jokes Scotty with a wink to the Captain.
The Vulcan examines his red Make America Great Again hat, “If we succeed, Captain. Perhaps America shall in fact be great again.”
“It’s all comes down to you, Spock. You must plant the fear within Trump’s warped mind that a war with North Korea ends in his impeachment for abuse of war powers.”
“Captain, I find it deeply disturbing that your ancestors saw fit to entrust your president, a single human, and in this case a highly unstable one, with the power to press a button and start a thermal nuclear war,” observes Spock.
Kirk shrugs flirtatiously to Nurse Oberon and says to Scotty, “Energize.”
Once the trio de-materealize Scotty pulls out a Grand Mac and takes a huge bite. He rolls his eyes in ecstasy.
“Damnit, Scotty. Those things can kill a horse,” says bones from the view screen.
“Aye, Doctor. But this horsey will die happy!”
TRUMP MIND MELD
Kirk, Spock and Nurse Oberon silently materialize in a dark corner of Trump’s bedroom.
Art from the “failing according to Trump” NY Times
The trios eyes go wide watching Trump stuff his face with a Grand Mac, all at once. Still, the president furiously tweets,“Wolff’s book is just more fake…..”
Kirk whispers, “Fire –“.
Nurse Oberon stuns Trump mid tweet and he slumps to the bed, doing a face plant.
“Why did you stun Trump, Nurse Oberon?”
“You did say ‘fire’, Jim,” says Spock.
“I was commenting that the book FIRE AND FURY that he’s so angry about.”
“Oopsie,” says Nurse Oberon.
“It seems we are most cluster-fucked, Captain,” groans Spock.
“Fucked is sufficient, Spock. Wish Trump had finished his tweet before Nurse Oberon stunned him.” says Kirk.
“Not to worry, Captain. Trump was known to tweet erratically, sometimes not continuing a tweet for up to several hours. And of course there was the famed Covfefe tweet.”
Nurse Oberon struggles to get the president onto his back and says, “The prez weighs a ton! He needs air! Help me turn him!”
“239 pounds my ass!” grunts Kirk helping turn Trump.
It takes all three of the away team to flip Trump onto his back. At which point he begins to choke on his Grand Mac.
“Help him, Spock!”
“Captain, if I may be so bold. Might not our mission be better completed if we do nothing?”
“No one would doubt death by Big Mac,” says Nurse Oberon.
“Correction, Nurse Oberon. Grand Mac. You McDonalds USA –”
“Spock. Knock off the tri-Mac story,” grunts Kirk.
“Are you two always like this on away missions?” giggles Nurse Oberon.
Trump gags, eyes rolling into his orange face.
“Nurse, you do realize you are addressing two senior officers?” says Spock testily.
“Wait! I get it!” giggles Nurse Oberon.
“The only get I want to hear is let’s get on with this mission,” grumps Kirk.
“Don’t you see it, Captain? Spock is Gay for you!” shouts Nurse Oberon before Spock muffles her wild laugh with his free hand.
“I warned you of this Captain. Nurse Oberon is already subconsciously working to, ahem, rescue Trump, says Spock. “I estimate if we let him go on choking Trump will expire in 60 seconds.”
“Too big a hole in the timeline to let Trump meet his maker with Mac attack,” says Kirk, watching Trump turning blue.
“Very well then, ” say Spock as he yanks Trump into the Heimlich maneuver. Trump coughs his Grand Mac into Kirk’s face and gasps for air.
“The Mac of any scale is indeed your nemesis, Captain.”
“Stop stalling. Mind meld time, Mr. Spock.”
The door handle jangles. Kirk points to Nurse Oberon, “You’re on!”
Nurse Oberon pulls off her dress and climbs naked atop Trump just as Don Jr. enters.
“Kinky, Pops! Love the green body paint, babe! I leave you two love birds it!” says Don Jr. making a quick exit.
“Now, Spock, before First Lady Melania shows up!” says Kirk.
“My computations show there is only a one in 10,056.75 percent chance of that happening, sir. The two divorced just a few –”
Nurse Oberon and Kirk groan in unison, “Spock.”
“Sorry. I shall begin then. Silence please. I wish to return from this meld with all my marbles I believe is the 21st century slang for –”
“SPOCK!” shout Kirk and Nurse Oberon in unison.
Spock places his fingers over Trump’s head. “Sir! It’s real!”
“I am sure, Spock. His mind must be a real sivv of larceny and deceit!”
“No, sir. I’ve not melded yet. His famed fake hair. It’s real!” says Spock roughing up Trump orange hair. “Granted the orange color is not –”
“Spock, are you sure you are up for this mission?” says Nurse Oberon sweetly as she puts her dress back on.
Spock adjust his fingers over Trump’s right temple,”My mind to your –” Spock winces in pain.
“What is it Spock?!” says Kirk.
“Trump… Much… difficulty…never encountered such… an unfocused… mind… Must go deeper…” say Trump and Spock in unison.
Nurse Oberon monitors the condition of both Trump and Spock. She reports to Kirk, “Pulse rate up by 50% already! Call off the meld or we lose them both.”
Spock and Trump speak as one,”Only focus seems to be… composing Tweets about Bannon the traitor… absolutely no thoughts on… matters of state.”
“Go deeper, Spock. There must be some way to reach Trump,” says Kirk.
“Pulse rate up 77%!” reports Nurse Oberon.
Tears pour from Trump and Spock as they speak as one,”Daddy… why don’t you love me?”
Inside the foggy mind of Trump, Spock watches as Fred Trump yanks young Donald’s nose to a stack of money. “You see this pile of cash?”
“Um , yeah,” says little Trump.
“Money is all that matters in life. Cash is king, you worthless brat!” shouts Fred Trump. Spock steps behind Fred Trump and does the Vulcan nerve pinch. Fred Trump falls to floor and little Trump screams.
“Alien! You killed my daddy!” says little Trump.
“He’s fine, young Donald, none of this is real. See I can make myself your age,” says Spock shrinking himself to little Trump’s size.
“Wait. I can read your mind! Cool! Your name is Spock?” says Young Trump.
“Correct. Our minds are as one, Donnie.” says Spock reassuringly.
“Spock. Huh. Crummy name. I’ll call you Spocko! My turn to play the daddy game!” says Trump growing to adult size while Spock shrinks to kid-size.
The surroundings morph into Spock’s childhood home on Vulcan. Sarek, Spock’s father passes young Spock who is weeps in a hallway, “Tears? You’re no Vulcan.”
“Hey, big shot. Stop being so mean to my pal Spocko!” says Trump and blows a hole through Sarek with a sizzling phaser beam. Sarek falls to the floor at young Spock’s feet, a steaming mess.
Young Spock gawks at Donald Trump the hole in his dead father’s chest. A begrudging smile steals of young Spock’s face.
Meanwhile, back in the real world of Trump’s presidential bedroom:
“Pulse rate 150%!” says Nurse Oberon to Kirk’s glare. “Well… it is.”
Kirk whispers in Trump’s ear, “President Trump, history has given you a great responsibility. Billions will die if you continue to escalate –”
Trump and Spock shout in unison at Kirk, “You think I give a flying fuck what happens to the world? I have my fallout shelter all set up with all the champagne and broads a man could ever want! It’s the greatest bomb shelter of all time. And anyone can join me down there for only $10 million a head.”
“What’s $10 million going to be worth when the world’s a nuclear wasteland, Trump?” says Kirk yanking Trump to his face by his silk pajamas.
“A lot! As the world population shrinks my market share gets even more biggly. I’m gonna live the lux life with the new Trump-acaplyse 24/7 reality show!” say Trump and Spock laughing madly in unison. “Bye bye Alec Baldwin, Stephen Colbert and all the other losers drafting off my fame! Nuked!”
“Bones was right.. His mammoth narcissistic ego makes doomed this mission from the get-go. Abort the mind mend, Spock!” shouts Kirk directly into Spock’s pointy ear.
No reaction from Trump and Spock, except a snide chuckle from the mind melded pair.
Spock breaks a sweat as he struggles to say, “Can’t fight him, Captain. Trump is accessing… my memory of Star Fleet history.”
Trump/Spock smirks at Kirk, “Cool, lotsa of inventions in this Vulcan skull I’ll take credit for!”
Kirk shakes Spock by the shoulders and shouts in his face,”Fight him, Spock!”
Without warning Spock backhands Kirk and sends him flying into a gold gilded wall.
“Like that for fighting? Haha! Sorry, Kirk, can’t give you your first officer back. Spocko’s Trump property now!” gloats Trump.
Kirk manages to stumble to his feet and says, “Nurse Oberon. Set Phaser to kill and execute Trump.”
Nurser Oberon obeys the captain and takes aim at Trump.
“Baby, shoot Kirk and you’re my new First Lady,” says Spock and Trump in mind meld unison.
“What can I say I love a good three way?” Nurse Oberon switches her aim to Captain Kirk.
Screaming through the pain Spock miraculously breaks the mind meld and Vulcan nerve pinches the green goddess to dream land.
“Spock, you saved the day!” grins Kirk.
Faster than one could ever imagine for such a fat bastard, Trump picks up the Nurse’s phaser and disintegrates Kirk.
“Jim!” weeps Spock.
“Fuck the smarmy asshole. With the 23rd century tech in your head we have a galaxy to conquer, Spocko!”
“Granny, I see what you saw!” shouts Nurse Oberon as she pulls Trump and Spock into bed.
“Hold on a sec you two, Gotta grab a Viagra!” Trump paddles off the the bathroom stepping through Kirk’s dust pile.
Unable to wait for Trump, Nurse Spock’s pants down and her eyes go wide. “Mister Spock! You are most certainly not Gay!”
Spock sweeps Nurse Oberon onto his hips and she moans in ecstasy.
Out of sight in the bathroom Trump bellows, tossing tolietries through the doorway in a panic, “Damn you, Melania for hiding my Viagra again! #COCK BLOCKER!”
Spock and Oberson laugh quietly as they make love like it’s the Pon Farr!
OUTTER RIM OF THE GALAXY
“Captain’s Log, stardate 2264.2. The Enterprise is accelerating to time travel speed on a journey to the eve of World War III. All in the hopes of altering the timeline and averting the loss of billions of human lives.”
We join Kirk in his cabin, feet propped up on his desk, dictating to the ship’s computer.
“What the outcome of such a drastic timeline shift for our own time, the 23rd Century, is anyone’s –”
A knock on the cabin door stops Kirk’s log dictation. Annoyed, he says, “Enter.”
A troubled Spock steps through the pneumatic doorway. A fidgety Dr. McCoy right behind him.
Before McCoy can speak Kirk cuts him off, “Save it, Bones. I’ve decided Spock mind meld should be with Kim Jung-Un instead of Trump,” says Kirk walking to his portal window.
“Well, hallelujah. What on earth made you come to your senses?” says McCoy with a
Kirk is as silent, gazing out the portal.
“Jim?” say Spock, forgetting rank in the confusion.
Kirk points at a massive asteroid with a laser inscription burned into it’s side. Spock and Bones gawk, reading the phaser carved asteroid’s mile high message:
WARNING! ABORT TRUMP MIND MELD! LOVE, SPOCK
End of This Clusterfuck Timeline
Update 3/6/18.: Could Kirk’ & Spock’s second mind meld mission be working?
In one of Seinfeld’s most famous episodes: Kramer hires a hard-boiled New York lawyer to rep him in a lawsuit against a major coffee company. Unbeknownst to Kramer the Java coffee company is prepared to start out of court settlement talks at $50,000 and free coffee at any of their stores for life.
But before the coffee company can even say more than “free coffee” Kramer leaps to his feet and settles for a single cup of coffee.
From the few concessions we are learning of, Bernie appears to jumped to his feet for the DNC and Hillary campaign shouting, “I’ll Take it!” and pulled a Kramer. The Bern’s actions seem more motivated by fear of Trump than a true liking for Hillary’s corporatism. But the path of fear is never the way to the light.
Or is this shocking Hillary endorsement the master stroke of a 74-year-old political veteran who plans to fight on at the DNC as FDR did so long with a similar endorsement? One can only hope as Hillary is not a good fit with the principles of Bernie campaign backers and the path to brighter future we all are meditating for.
I really don’t know. None of us do because of the old school back-room politics Bernie’s Hillary endorsement represents. In any case, the sorry result is that large numbers Bernie’s supporters are feeling betrayed and abandoned like Kramer’s lawyer did to hilarious effect on Seinfeld, as you can watch below. Only in real-life abandonment is never funny.
And watch Bernie’s Kramer here from my favorite politico.
Media, Meditations & Musings 