When we last left our alternate timeline Donald J. Trump and his alternate enablers in Chapter 8, Trumptopia’s orange presidential bad boy was busy selling his BIG LIE that he was cheated out of his rightful second term.
In this dark alternate reality, a series of cautionary political tales I plan to gather into a book, working title Trump’s Fever Dream, the Trump fostered insurrection on the capitol succeeded in overthrowing the rightful government.
There’s just one problem in Trump’s rebranding of the USA he’s dubbed Trumptopia: A Civil War from the left looms. One for which Trump has been unable to access the treasury to prepare for battle.
CHAPTER 9 – THE GREENE JEWISH SPACE LASER NEW DEAL
Trump nervously paces the oval office, wolfing into a Big Mac.
Bannon, Jared and Ivanka wait patiently on the couches as Trump washes the burger down with a noisy gulp of diet Coke. Bannon opens his mouth to speak but Trump holds up his hand and belches. Bannon waits for an “excuse me” that never comes and pushes on, “Mr. President — “
“Mr. President. Wow, love still hearing that. What you were about to say, Steve?” says Trump absentmindedly.
“Um, Mr. President, our brave patriot Trumptopia troops have lost control of three state capitols this week; Maine, Georgia and Arizona. All to bastards loyal the Former United States. As a result we are running low on the basics, ammo, shelter and food,” says the ever more scrubby looking Bannon.
“Damn Putin to hell! The lying louse was supposed to back me up with shock troops, air cover and tactical nukes!” shouts Trump.
“Putin has his own troubles fighting off the Navalny revolution, Daddy,” says Ivanka.
“Swell. I’ll nuke the blue states on my own. What are the polls showing?” says Trump as he mindlessly fidgets with the aluminum pop top tab on his diet Coke.
Bannon fans through his notes and offfers, “Only 33% of our base favors the domestic nuclear option.”
“Get those assholes on Fox cracking! I need 60% approval before I can nuke California! The smug bastard Newsom is going to pay for his wanton slaying of 11,780 brave Trumptopians who perished storming Sacramento!”
“Uh, sir, that’s actually the total you needed to win Georgia. We lost more like 10,000,” says Bannon.
Everyone shouts in unison, “Never forget Sacramento!”
“Jared, you’re the money man. Congress is still a war zone. How do I raise some quick cash to fight these stubborn bastards that old coot Joe Biden and the half-breed Harris are leading to overthrow me?” says Trump pounding his pudgy fist into his meaty palm for emphasis.
“Space Force,” says Jared brightly.
“Space Force?” says a puzzled Trump. “Nah. It’ll be months until the nuclear space platform is at the ready to nuke anything.”
Jared clicks the intercom and softly says, “Send in the new Speaker of the House.”
The paneled door opens and Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene, the new speaker, enters. She is dressed in the new Trumptopia military uniform. Her ill-fitting uniform bears an uncanny, though not unexpected, resemblance to the Nazi SS uniform of World War ll. Greene wields an AK-47 recklessly.
“That thing loaded?” asks Trump, trying to sounds brave.
“Of course, sir. DC is still crawling with libtards!” says Greene incredulously.
“Put your damn weapon down!” demands Trump.
“Nope. Here, I’ll just put on the lil’ old safety on my AK, Mr. President,” gushes Greene.
“I said put the god damn weapon DOWN!”
“All due respect. That’s no way to speak to your new Speaker of the House.”
Trump grabs the AK-47 and wrestles with Greene. The AK-47 erupts. Rapid fire cuts off the head of a Trump security guard. Greene finally relents to Trump. Guards cart the headless corpse off as the rattled group climb out of hiding places.
Trump sighs and gingerly stands the smoking gun against the resolute desk and says, “OK, OK, what’s this big idea you had for raising money, Greene? It better be fucking good and it better have nothing the fuck to do with asking for more dough from the My Pillow Guy. We busted that brave patriot. Poor Mikey is homeless.”
“Simple. Let’s have a crowd funder to bring down the Jewish space laser!” says Green brightly.
“But there is no such thing as a Jewish space — Oh, I get it! A new Big Lie!” says Trump, annoyed he did not think of this himself from his expression.
“May I take it from here, Majorie?” asks Jared. Greene’s happily nods. “Mr. President, this is how we reach 60% approval for the domestic nuclear option. Take a look at this iPad.”
Trump yanks the iPad from Jared. Trump’s bloodshot eyes go wide as he reads.
FUNDING GOAL $5 BILLION!
“Renewed weapons grade brainwashing with this kind of budget! I predict your new Destroy the Jewish Space Laser! crowd funder will be the most successful campaign in history, Mr. President!” beams Jared.
“But $5 billion? Aren’t we aiming a little high even for my stupid as hell fan base?” says Trump.
Ivanka pipes up, “No amount of money is too big, Daddy. Fighting the Jewish Space Laser is brave and patriotic. So in character with your mandate as our Christian war chief. What’s a measly $5 billion? You’ll raise 10 billion! You are the chosen one after all.”
“Thanks for seeing my glory, baby!” says Trump grabbing his daughter to him for a hug so amorous that it makes Jared jealous. “Greene, you have my word that I will promote you to 5 star general if your campaign to Destroy the Jewish Space Laser succeeds!”
“But I already have 5 stars, sir.” pouts Greene.
“Six stars then!” boasts Trump.
Mark Meadows pokes his head in the oval office and says,”Sir, it’s time for your fitting for your military outfit. Shall I tell the tailor you’re busy?”
“No, show my tailor in. Oops, watch the pool of blood on the rug there, Mark. Everybody else out. You have a Jewish Space Laser to defeat!”
Greene smiles and says coyly, “Now you’re talking, like my fearsome leader!”
Jared pipes up, “Fearless leader.”
“Nope. Fearsome, as in awesome.” chides Greene.
“Fearless. Fearsome means timid. Google it, you ignorant bitch!” shouts Jared.
Greene dives for her AK-47 and spins on Jared. “I knew the Jew in you was a traitor. Let me shoot him Mr. President!
“No, Margy. Jared’s family. One of the good Jews. Put down the rifle.”
Greene sags and whispers in Trump’s ear, “Never trust a Jew.”
Trump whispers back in Greene’s ear, “Never question my judgement again or you’ll be facing a firing squad.”
As Greene exits she passes Trump’s Jewish tailor who gives her the hairy eyeball.
“What are you looking at, tailor?” grouse Greene intentionally bumping into the old tailor.
“Nothing. Nothing at all.” says the tailor bowing dismissively to the enraged Greene.
All of the Trump Fever Dream stories are of course purely fictional and not meant to portray the individuals in any real way. It’s been created simply for your reading pleasure and maybe to help you realize just how lucky we might be that Trump has been pushed aside like the old fart he truly is by the voters of this great land; supported the politicians, judges, pundits brave enough to stand up to the Trump incited, or at the very least inspired, January 6th insurrection.
Stay true to yourself and those you love. – Ken Sheetz