Welcome to TRUMP’S FEVER DREAM, my dark parody about a dark future, perhaps coming into sad reality due the “too painful to watch” daily show of Trump’s inability to lead during the coronavirus crisis.
When we last left a feverish President Trump it was May 2022 when he was just dumped buck naked in the thorny bushes of the Rose Garden by a mysterious the giant time traveling cosmic butterfly of truth.
TRUMP’S FEVER DREAM
CHAPTER 2 – THE WHITE HOSPITAL
Meanwhile, one timeline away …
Trump’s former African American personal attendant, Robert, dressed in a hospital gown and mask, helps a badly scratched and quite naked Trump from the rose bushes to his shaky feet. Robert says,”Whoa. Last time I saw you, I rushed out your bedroom to get the doc.”
“Yeah, I know. That just happened.
“No. You been gone a whole two whole years! And why are you naked as a Jay bird on the 4th of July?”
Too distracted to answer, Trump notices every window in the White House is brightly lit and wonders, “Damned if I know. Took a ride on a fucking giant liberal butterfly.”
All Robert can manage to say is, “Huh.”
Trump points to the glowing presidential windows, “Why the hell are all the White House lights on?”
“Put on this spare mask and gown on and I’ll show you,” says Robert handing Trump both.
“The virus is fake news. Don’t need a mask but I will take a fucking gown!” shouts Trump, drawing attention from a masked security guard.
“Sorry. President Schwarzenegger’s executive order of May 7, 2020 makes wearing of gowns and masks law,” offers Robert grimly.
“President Schwarzenegger?!” shouts Trump. Spotting the masked White House security, pulling out his pistol, Trump angrily complies. As he struggles to gown up Trump says, “Why isn’t Mike president? He dead?”
“Pence ain’t dead yet… but he’s eating himself there.”
“Eating?” says Trump.
“To appeal to your Trumpers ol’ Pence took over your brand of eating all American fast food. But that shit got way outta control fast. Last report, Pence’s gained 130 pounds since he was ousted from the presidency.”
Trump laughs wickedly and says,”Ousted how?
“Senate unanimously impeached him for slipping ventilators to all his PAC backers. Mikey, never even made it to the elections. Your yes man was lost after you vanished.”
“What happened to Biden?”
“Gone with the Covid. Sweet guy. Don’t think he’d have been much of president in any case.”
“Virus killed old Bernie same day as Moscow Mitch. But not before he gave his spot to Schwarzenegger. Then Arnold ran for reelection and won biggly, as you used to like to say, sir.” adds Robert.
“Who’d Schwarzenegger run against ?” says Trump in angry wonder.
“Jared. Epic landslide.”
“Surprise!” says Trump dryly. “So who’s the Veep?”
“Your old pal Chris Christie”
“What a fuck fest. But Arnold isn’t American born. How’d he get around that?” says Trump.
“The GOP Senate, they changed them laws to permit the Terminator of Covid, as fans like to call him, into office,” says Robert, trying not to show his happiness.
The gowned and masked Trump stomps for the White House, “Enough. I am gonna tell Schwarzenegger face to face to get the fuck out of my oval office.”
“America’s hero, um, President Schwarzenegger, he don’t work from here no more.”
Trump stops dead in his tracks and spins to ask, “What? Why?!”
“President Schwarzenegger, you see, he made this hereWhite House into a coronavirus hospital. Calls it the White Hospital now. I still work here. Trained nurse now on the front line,” says Robert proudly
“So where do I find Schwarzenegger’s HQ?”
“You ain’t gonna like what I gotta tell you, sir,” says Robert kicking at the poorly mowed White House lawn.
“Stop fucking around and give me the dope on where he is,” says Trump grabbing Robert by his hospital gown.
“President Schwarzenegger, you see, he works from the repossessed Trump Tower.”
Trump fumes until he spews, “Fuck me!”
“After all the lawsuits for your — ahem — handling of the virus, well, it was your baby Ivanka’s only option to pay the bills,” says Robert warily.
“How’s Ivanka?!” asks Trump and then adds as an afterthought.
“She’s down at Mar-A-Lago with Jared and Baron, running what’s left of your empire after the IRS seized most of your assets.”
“Ivanka and Jared are with Baron. Where’s, Melania?”
“Brace yourself… ,” says Robert hanging his head. “You’re widower now, sir. Poor Meliania passed of the Covid in October of 2020.”
“What about my two son, Eric and Don Jr? How are they”
“Don Jr’s been in an out of rehab like a revolving door. Kinda lost track of him.” says Robert gently.
“And my idiot son, Eric?” ask Trump.
“Covid?” puzzles Trump.
“Wicked virus keeps mutating. Now it’s letting the Boomers alone. Been killing mostly peeps age 30 to 50 now. Eric, well, he went just last week. But not of the virus.”
“How’d Eric kick it then?”
“Hunting trip trying to extinct the last Rhino. Rhino got him. Not the political kind. So sorry, sir,” says Robert gently patting Trump and the back.
“Don’t be,” says Trump waving off Robert’s sympathy.
“Huh? I know you’re tough, sir. But that’s cold.”
“Not cold. It’s fine,” says Trump with a maniacal grin.
“Finally got this all figured out.”
“Fever dream. All a fever dream,” says Trump with a delirious chuckle.
“Wow. Love that shit. But sadly this is all too real, Donald, I mean, sir.”
“Believe what you want. I’m outta here,” Trump storms off for the White House
“Where you goin’, sir?” says a bewildered Robert.
“Back to my bedroom to wake the fuck up!”
Robert shrugs and lets Trump storm off to the White House to learn for himself.
END CHAPTER 2
As always my handy disclaimer that this story is of course a work of pure fiction about an alternate universe. It is in no way a true reflection of the kind and compassionate real-life Donald J Trump, and his charming GOP enablers or for that matter the supposed good guys in this dark comedic tale.
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